We’re going IN on some topics about RELATIONSHIPS I’ve been asked on Instagram – questions I’ve heard over and over again!

Listen in as we talk about what to do if your boyfriend isn’t a Christian, when people in relationships should start kissing, how to break up with someone and how to know if you should go out with someone.

If you’re interested in MORE about the “How far is too far?” conversation, check out this episode!

 1. My boyfriend isn’t a Christian, what should I do?
So I am certainly not in the business of telling people I don’t know what to do with their lives because I know that situations can be unique and each relationship is complex BUT this question is one I thought was important to answer because it’s a VERY common question. SO I’m going to answer it by saying what I would encourage a friend or family member with.
In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 it says this, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?”
My counsel would be (because it seems scripture would say) that we should not enter into marriage unbelievers. Why does it say this? It’s not because it’s an exclusive state of mind just for the sake of it — not! Even the verse elaborates. If you are in Christ, you are filled with Spirit and living for the things of Christ. You are walking in light. You have a set of convictions that are of God. You literally have the Spirit of God in you guiding and directing and convicting you. If you partner cannot share in any of those things it is going to be VERY difficult for you to remain abiding and growing in the things of the Lord.
Now there’s the argument but what if they get saved. That’s amazing but what if they don’t by the time you are so emotionally attached that you’re ready for marriage? Are you going to take it a step further and marry someone who doesn’t share the most important core of your life, who doesn’t hear from God the way you do, who actually denies the core of what you believe? And all the while, let’s say you date for years and are still holding the incredible hope that they do become a believer, for that time frame you were dating, do you expect to grow in the Lord when the person you are closest to and spend the most time with and are most impacted by is not? Is it easier to lift up someone up a step or to be brought down? Who we are is directly impacted by who we hang out with and we hear it all the time with friendships but the same applies to romantic relationships and EVEN MORE SO.
Now, am I going to say this never works and never becomes something beautiful. ABSOLUTELY NOT. There are incredible married couples of different faiths, there are beautiful stories of what we call “missionary dating” that end up how you would hope. But am I going to ignore that scripture ask God’s Word calls us NOT to be unequally yoked? no.
Now if you are already married, the Bible actually gives specific instructions on that in 1 Corinthians 7 saying that you shouldn’t get divorced for that reason if the person you’re married to is fine with living with a believer.

2. What part of the relationship should people start kissing
LOVED this question and this is a topic we will dive into more in a few weeks and I’m so excited for it.
I wanted to answer this as a more light hearted topic. Different people have different convictions on this and I would say pray about it and listen to yours.
Donny and I kissed a few weeks into our relationship, I know couples who saved their kiss for their wedding day and those who kissed the first date and those who waited a few months, etc. There’s really no right answer. I will say that the earlier you kiss, the easier it is to escalate that little kiss into more SO if you do kiss it’s time to set up physical boundaries ASAP.

3. How to break up
•LOVED this question so I am going to give some Do’s and some Don’ts
• DO it gently and lovingly.
• DO be clear that this is a breakup
• DO take their heart into consideration
• DO give yourself time to heal and process and be single for a bit
• Don’t ghost someone you’ve been dating.
• Don’t blame it on God saying He told you to
• Don’t throw in a maybe in the future unless you GENUINELY will be holding out for this person. If you’re not sure and what to see other people DO NOT give them hope for the future and string them along BIG NO. It’s inconsiderate and selfish. I will say I have done this and I know a ton of people who have so if you have no condemnation and I’m not coming at you but let’s call it what it is and if you’re contemplating it … don’t do it.

4. How do I know if I’m supposed to go out with someone
I liked this question a lot because it’s very common and I’ve heard it a ton and I have a strong opinion on it.
I think MORE OFTEN THAN NOT (not always) the Lord gives us the freedom to ask people out and go out with people and we may not get a sign in Heaven from God about whether we’re supposed to go out with someone or not
I will say however that there are things in a person that we can say you’re ok to go out with that person or you probably should NOT go out with that person
• Do they have a relationship with Jesus – not just are they a Christian
• Are you attracted to them – it’s silly but you should probably be at least a little attracted to this person! That can develop but if you’re not into this person at all, don’t over-spiritualize it, you don’t have to go out with them

Otherwise friends, I would say don’t overthink it. Going on a date with someone is not committing to marriage or even a relationship. DO guard their heart in the process and when it’s time to get serious or make it official you should know a bit more if you’re into this person but otherwise it’s okkkk to go on dates with people and have it not work out. Don’t string them along for months and years if you’re unsure but going on a few dates is meant to help you see if you want to start actually dating this person and that’s ok!